Has a menu ever made you blush? If not, you likely haven’t been to Te Matare Ramirez, an erotic themed restaurant. So the legend goes, Ramirez, a friend of the restaurant owner, was a wily fellow with a taste for women (married or no) and often heard a phrase from his lovers’ jilted husbands and boyfriends: “I’m going to kill you, Ramirez!” From this, Te Mataré Ramírez was christened. Thus from its very beginnings, the restaurant has offered intrigue, sensuality, and excitement. The real secret, though? It has terrific food and entertaining shows, that aren’t so adult you’ll be hiding under your napkin embarrassed.
Ambiance & Décor
A metal sign with edgy font reading “Te Mataré Ramírez – Restaurante Afrodisiaco” sits, back lit, in front of long red velvet curtains and a dangling chandelier in the lobby. Only a teasing sliver of the main dining room can be seen from the street, a purposeful juxtaposition. You’ll pass the well stocked bar on your way into the dining area, which is packed tightly with tables in the middle and along the comfy benches. A grand mural stretches the length of the room with a quirky cartoon circus scenes in which members are half-clothed, grasping whips, bosoms abound, and conspiratorial smirks spread across the characters’ faces. This coupled with the white table cloths and high quality furniture make for an atmosphere orchestrated to feel whimsical, romantic, erotic, and, no really, classy. At the far end of the room there is a small stage with the same red velvet curtains in the background which, coupled with lights, casts the dining room in a red hue.
Food & Drinks
Te Mataré Ramírez is well prepared for those couples ready to get a few drinks in them and start off a romantic adventure. They have a special wine bottled for them as well as a long list of others, plus most cocktails you can think of.
Once you’ve settled in, ask for a menu (in English) and get ready to giggle like school children. First, you’ll notice that every page has an eye-brow raising illustration or quotation. Each dish has been given a name to excite the libido, while their real descriptions below will certainly stimulate the taste buds. For example: an appetizer of Turgent king prawns wrapped in smoked bacon, served with crunchy potato strings goes by this name “I evoke your aromas and get turned on.” Or, a main course, sweet and sour pork filet with a Coca-Cola reduction served with apple chutney and roasted potatoes is “Your mouth dances while kissing and my tongue revolts.”
Luckily, the chefs in the kitchen are as deft at what they do as those menu writers. The sweet and sour pork dish came out perfectly, with a tender filet and sweetness that played perfectly against classic roasted potatoes. The double-cooked lamb dish, with gigot ragout composed of pine-nuts, mushrooms, and grilled ribs garnished with candied onions and a sauté of smoked ham and peas – had terrific flavors. However, the boniness of the lamb left a bit to be desired. The desserts are pretty but nothing too special, aside from what they are named of course, but still a nice way to end the meal. I’d recommend the “Lovers that Share One Another” otherwise known as chocolate fondue – for sharing of course.
Not Just Dinner – Shows As Well!
Te Mataré Ramírez offers shows along with dinner that range from playful sketches full of innuendo, to (tasteful) erotic short films, to puppet-sex, or comedy shows. You can find out what’s playing on their website under the “erotic schedule” section. Note: it’s all in Spanish.
By Contributor Writer Skye Brannon
Te Mataré Ramírez
Address: Gorriti 5054, Palermo Soho, Buenos Aires
Phone: +54 9 11 4831 9156